Trauma is a deeply human experience, a response to overwhelming events that can shatter our sense of safety and well-being. The impact of trauma is universal, yet the way we experience and express it is shaped by our individual histories, personalities, and societal expectations. 

For men, societal pressures such as the expectation to be strong, resilient and emotionally stoic can create a unique and challenging barrier to acknowledging, processing and healing from trauma. 

As a therapist who offers online trauma therapy and in-person sessions, I often witness how these pressures can lead to men suppressing their pain, resulting in significant and unseen struggles. It’s for this reason that I’m sharing how EMDR therapy can be a particularly effective and empowering path to healing from trauma.

Understanding Trauma in Men

Trauma doesn’t always present itself as the dramatic, visible wounds we see in films. 

In men, particularly, it often manifests in more subtle, internalised ways. But what does trauma look like in men?

The outward signs of unresolved trauma in men are frequently misunderstood or misattributed to other issues. Instead of expressing sadness or fear, trauma can emerge as irritability, anger outbursts, and an increased tendency toward risk-taking behaviours. It can also appear as emotional numbing, a state of detachment where a man may seem disconnected from his feelings and others. 

Emotional numbing can serve as a protective mechanism, a way to avoid the painful feelings associated with the trauma. 

Men might also struggle with hypervigilance, a constant state of being on guard, which can lead to sleep disturbances, chronic fatigue, and an inability to relax. I’ve often found that this can be particularly true in the case of complex developmental trauma, where early childhood experiences have wired the nervous system for a perpetual state of threat.

How does trauma affect men differently?

While the core emotional experience of trauma is similar for everyone, the way men are socialised can significantly change its impact and expression. Due to societal expectations, men who’ve experienced trauma may be less likely to express vulnerability, even around loved ones, leading to a profound sense of isolation. The expectation to "man up" or "get over it" can also contribute to a deep-seated sense of shame, which is a powerful barrier to recovery.

Why do men often struggle to talk about trauma?

From a young age, men are often taught that showing emotion, particularly fear or sadness, is a sign of weakness. This cultural script can make it incredibly difficult for men to talk about their traumatic experiences, as they may worry about being judged, appearing weak or losing the respect of peers or loved ones. The fear of being seen as “unmanly” presents a significant psychological hurdle for many. 

This suppression of emotion and a reluctance to seek help are key reasons why many men live with unresolved trauma for years, allowing it to silently impact their mental health and relationships.

What is EMDR therapy?

EMDR therapy stands for Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing, and it is a highly researched and effective therapeutic approach originally designed to help people heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of traumatic life experiences. 

Unlike other therapeutic methods, EMDR does not require the individual to provide a detailed verbal account of the traumatic event. Instead, it focuses on the way the brain stores memory and helps to reprocess those memories in a way that reduces their emotional charge. 

This is achieved through a process called bilateral stimulation, which is achieved through eye movements, tapping, auditory tones or, in some cases, the "butterfly hug” method. Whilst these are occurring, the individual will then briefly focus on the traumatic memory, with the goal being that their brain moves from a “stuck” state of distress to a more adaptive resolution, where the memory no longer holds its power to cause emotional pain.

How can EMDR therapy work for trauma?

EMDR trauma therapy can help with a wide range of traumatic experiences, from a single-incident event to more complex, long-standing trauma. For acute trauma, such as a car accident or assault, EMDR can help the brain quickly reprocess the single, disturbing event, reducing its power to trigger flashbacks and anxiety. 

For individuals who have experienced a difficult childhood with issues such as neglect or abuse, which can lead to complex developmental trauma, EMDR can be used to reprocess a cluster of memories and beliefs that have shaped their adult lives. EMDR trauma therapy works by untangling the web of negative thoughts and feelings that have formed as a result of developmental trauma in adults.

By targeting specific memories and the negative beliefs they have created, such as "I am not worthy" or "I am unsafe", EMDR helps to replace them with more positive, adaptive beliefs.

Why is EMDR so intense?

EMDR therapy can be described as intense, as it requires the individual to briefly focus on a distressing memory. This can be challenging and may bring up strong emotions. 

It is necessary to understand that the process is carefully managed and is not about reliving the trauma. The bilateral stimulation acts as a dual-attention stimulus, keeping one foot in the present moment while the other briefly touches the memory. This allows the brain to reprocess the memory in a safe and contained way, preventing the individual from becoming overwhelmed. 

Before starting clients on EMDR sessions, I ensure that they have a strong foundation of coping skills and a sense of safety before beginning any memory reprocessing. This careful preparation is what makes EMDR a safe and effective approach to healing, even with the intense emotions it may bring up.

Why EMDR can be particularly effective for men

For many men, the very nature of EMDR therapy provides a powerful and accessible pathway to healing that can be less intimidating than traditional talk therapy. 

Men may respond well to EMDR therapy because it is a structured, action-oriented approach. It feels less like an open-ended conversation about feelings, which many men have been conditioned to avoid, and more like a purposeful, guided process. This focus on "doing the work" of reprocessing, rather than just "talking about the problem," can be a more comfortable entry point for men. They can engage with the process in a way that feels productive and goal-oriented, which aligns more with traditional masculine values of problem-solving.

What makes EMDR a good option for men who find it hard to open up?

If you struggle to open up, EMDR may be a good fit for you. That’s because it does not rely on an individual's ability to articulate every detail of their trauma, which is a crucial advantage for men who may struggle to find the words for their pain. 

The therapy allows the brain's natural healing process to take over, guided by the therapist, without the need for extensive verbal disclosure. Instead, you simply bring the memory to mind and allow the bilateral stimulation to do its work. This reduces the pressure to perform emotionally and can get around the very social conditioning that makes it so difficult for men to open up in the first place. 

EMDR therapy in Cheshire and online

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Healing from trauma is a courageous and deeply personal journey, and it’s a journey that no man should have to go through alone. If you recognise signs of unresolved trauma in yourself or a loved one, taking the first step towards seeking help is a profound act of strength. I offer specialist support for those struggling with the effects of trauma, through both online sessions via Zoom for those who prefer to be in the comfort of their own home, as well as in-person sessions in Cheshire. 

Whether you are dealing with a single traumatic event or the lasting effects of developmental trauma in adult life, reaching out is the first step. Together, we can determine the best path for you, whether that is EMDR, or person-centred therapy.