Trauma, in its many forms, can leave deep and lasting imprints on an individual's life, shaping their behaviors, relationships, and overall well-being. 

Though trauma affects individuals of all genders, men can face unique challenges in acknowledging and processing their experiences due to societal pressures. 

Traditional masculine norms and societal expectations can make men feel like they cannot be vulnerable, often meaning that they don’t choose to seek help. As a specialist in online trauma therapy and EMDR, I’ve witnessed the profound impact that unresolved trauma can have on men's lives. 

Whether you think you or someone you care about may have unresolved trauma, the first step is understanding the signs and symptoms and recognising the need for support to start the healing journey. As you take these first steps, it’s important to remember that trauma is not a sign of weakness but a human response to facing difficult and overwhelming experiences in life. 

What are the types of trauma?

Trauma can manifest in a variety of different ways, each one with its unique impact. Acute trauma stems from a single distressing event, such as a car accident, natural disaster, or violent assault. Chronic trauma arises from repeated or prolonged exposure to traumatic situations, such as ongoing abuse or neglect. 

Complex trauma involves exposure to multiple traumatic events, often during childhood which can lead to significant disruptions in development and attachment, impacting future relationships. Complex developmental trauma, in particular, refers to the impact of early childhood trauma on a person's ability to regulate their emotions and form (and maintain) healthy relationships as an adult. Finally, secondary trauma occurs when the individual has witnessed or heard about the traumatic experiences of others. 

All of these types of trauma can affect people of every gender in unique ways, impacting their relationships, mental health and emotional expression when left unresolved. 

Signs of unresolved trauma in men

The signs of unresolved trauma in men can be varied, and sometimes quite subtle. One common sign to look out for is avoidance or emotional numbing, where men may suppress or detach from their feelings to cope with overwhelming emotions, or to avoid connecting with others. This may manifest as difficulty expressing emotions, withdrawing from intimacy, or engaging in risky behaviors to avoid feeling vulnerable. 

Feel like you’re constantly on guard? Hypervigilance is another sign of unresolved trauma, whereby the individual may find themselves in a state of constant anticipation of dangers or threats. Feeling unsafe like this can lead to irritability, anger outbursts, and difficulty relaxing. Intrusive thoughts or flashbacks, where men relive traumatic experiences, can also be a significant sign - though this may not always be noticeable to a friend or loved one. Men with unresolved trauma may also have difficulty regulating their emotions, and experience intense mood swings or feel easily overwhelmed by seemingly minor stressors.

Changes in behaviour such as increased substance use, workaholism, or engaging in high-risk activities can also be signs of trauma. These behaviors can serve as coping mechanisms to avoid dealing with difficult memories and underlying trauma.

How does trauma affect men?

Trauma can have a profound impact on men's mental, emotional, and physical health. It can lead to anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and other mental health conditions. Men may also experience physical symptoms such as chronic pain, sleep disturbances, and digestive issues.

Individuals suffering with trauma may suffer with an impacted sense of self and struggle to function in daily life. This can look like low self-esteem, feelings of shame or guilt, and difficulty trusting others, which can lead to social isolation and relationship difficulties.

How does trauma affect men in relationships?

As trauma can impact our willingness to be emotionally vulnerable, it can affect our ability to form and maintain healthy relationships. Men with unresolved trauma may struggle with intimacy, trust, and communication, leading to distance and conflict in their relationships.

Depending on the traumatic events they have suffered, men may also exhibit controlling or aggressive behaviors stemming from underlying fears and insecurities. These behaviours create a cycle of conflict and disconnection, which only further damages their connections. Attachment issues may also become prevalent in relationships, as men with trauma may struggle with forming secure attachments, leading to difficulties in establishing and maintaining healthy bonds with partners and loved ones.

How does EMDR heal trauma?

EMDR therapy, or eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing, is a powerful therapeutic approach that can help individuals heal from trauma. This technique involves bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements or the “butterfly hug” method, whilst the individual focuses on traumatic experiences. Whilst this may sound challenging, this EMDR trauma therapy helps individuals to reprocess these memories and reduce their emotional intensity. 

EMDR trauma therapy can help men to desensitise and reprocess traumatic experiences, aiming to reduce the frequency and intensity of intrusive thoughts, flashbacks and other trauma-related symptoms. It can also help to improve emotional regulation, reduce anxiety and depression, and enhance self-esteem, all of which are important parts of any healing journey.

Who is EMDR not appropriate for?

Though EMDR trauma therapy can be highly effective, it may not be appropriate for everyone. Those suffering from severe dissociative disorders, psychosis, or unstable medical conditions may find that alternative therapeutic approaches are better suited to them. Individuals that suffer from medical conditions such as seizures should avoid EMDR, as the technique could trigger an episode. It’s also recommended that those currently dealing with instability, such as substance abuse or an unstable living situation, first stabilise themselves before trying EMDR. 

Before starting EMDR treatment, it’s also important to consider the individual’s current level of stability and support systems. That’s why I start by assessing my clients’ history and what stage they are currently at in the process to see if it is the right fit for their individual needs.

Embracing healing and strength

Struggling with unresolved trauma can create significant challenges in men’s lives, impacting their ability to connect with others and live life to the fullest. However, healing and recovery are possible. By recognising the signs of trauma, whether that’s in yourself or a loved one, and seeking the right therapeutic support, you can start to feel better. Through techniques like EMDR and person-centred therapy, those with trauma can begin to process their experiences, develop healthier coping mechanisms, and build stronger, more fulfilling lives. 

Remember, reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of strength and courage, and it marks the beginning of reclaiming your well-being. If you are experiencing any of the signs or symptoms mentioned, please get in touch. 

I offer both online trauma therapy and in-person sessions at my clinic in Cheshire, and I am here to support you on your journey towards healing and resilience.