Anxious-avoidant attachment is one of four different variations of adult attachment. Those suffering from anxious-avoidant attachment have a yearning and need for close, meaningful relationships. However, they may find themselves unable to form these attachments due to distrusting others, causing a cycle of attachment issues and an overall fear of intimacy.This blog aims to inform readers as to why they may be struggling to form meaningful relationships and how best to treat anxious-avoidant attachment.

What causes anxious-avoidant attachment?

Like many mental traumas and blocks, the deep-rooted cause lies in our childhood. Childhood is the most essential and formative period of our lives. It helps us learn how to relate and interact with people whilst understanding care and affection.Although we do not remember our younger years as clearly as more recent memories, your mind will never truly forget, and these will follow you for years to come. Anxious-avoidant attachment often forms when at least one parent/carer betrays the intimate relationship between parent and child.As children, we place our ultimate safety and wellbeing in the hands of others. When this trusting relationship is betrayed, or dangerous behaviour is inflicted upon/surrounding children, this leads to trauma. Trauma that, if left untreated, can cause a magnitude of mental health problems in later years.Ultimately the child will start to withdraw from the caregiver, missing out on fundamental relationship-building skills. For example, you may find that you want to place your trust in others; however, a mental block is holding you back.

Signs of anxious-avoidant attachment to look out for:

• Trouble expressing emotion
• Uncomfortable with physical touch
• Finding partners too clingy
• Refusing help from others
• Fear of getting emotionally hurt
• Relying solely upon themselves in stressful situations

The Impact of Anxious-Avoidant Attachment

As mentioned previously, anxious-avoidant attachment goes hand-in-hand with many different mental health concerns. However, studies have proven a strong correlation between those suffering from anxious-avoidant attachment and depression. This is believed to come from the negative idea of themselves and self-criticism that comes from being unable to form relationships. Another mental health concerns related to anxious-avoidant attachment are social anxiety. Furthermore, those who suffer from anxious-avoidant attachment have been found to have a higher number of sexual partners in a lifetime as they are unlikely to commit to one sexual partner for a prolonged period.

Methods of how to cope with anxious-avoidant attachment:

• Communicate with others your struggles: setting boundaries from the start will allow the relationship to develop at your pace so that you can gradually open up and put trust in others
• Don’t be too harsh on yourself: as mentioned earlier, people suffering from anxious-avoidant attachment tend to be highly self-critical. Ask yourself why you want to reach out to others, and this will allow you to reflect on why you deserve this.
• Consult a therapist: therapy is all about putting your trust into a relationship with a stranger in a safe, controlled environment. Unlike in other situations, your therapist will always understand and help you identify why you struggle to form attachments. It is also a great opportunity to practice putting your faith in others whilst they also teach you strategies to cope with anxious-avoidant attachment issues.

If you resonate with any of the above, then perhaps it is time to consult a therapist to allow you to start living your life to the fullest. So please head over to my website today to book in for your appointment. I offer Zoom and in-person support to best suit your needs.