Feeling emotionally distant from your partner can be a deeply unsettling experience for anyone. You might find yourselves sitting next to one another, but feeling emotionally miles apart.

Conversations may have become functional or sparse, and the warmth or spark you once shared now feels out of reach. Whilst you may feel isolated, and like you’re the only couple this is happening to, this emotional distance is more common than you realise, and it can quietly erode the foundation of even the strongest relationships. 

As a Cheshire therapist offering person-centred individual therapy and couples therapy both in-person and online, I often work with those navigating this very struggle.

Is it normal to feel disconnected in a relationship?

Yes, moments of disconnection are normal in most relationships. Life transitions, stress, health issues, parenting, and work schedules can lead to a feeling of drifting apart. 

When this disconnection becomes prolonged or unresolved, it can signal deeper relational issues that may need attention.

What begins as temporary distance can develop into persistent emotional disconnection, where partners feel unseen, unheard or unvalued. This can lead to feelings of loneliness even within a relationship. When left unaddressed, disconnection can impact communication, trust, and emotional safety. 

Seeking support from a therapist to help with relationships can be a valuable way to open dialogue and begin to understand what’s really going on beneath the surface.

What happens if there is no intimacy in a relationship?

Intimacy is about so much more than physical closeness. It’s about emotional connection, being vulnerable with each other, and the ability to feel truly seen by your partner. 

When intimacy starts to fade, couples may enter something called the “roommate phase”, where they start to feel more like housemates than romantic partners. Loss of intimacy can lead to resentment, frustration, or feelings of rejection that can further impact self-esteem.

I often help my clients explore the roots of their intimacy challenges. In some cases, it’s about overcoming fear of intimacy in relationships, which can be linked to past trauma, trust issues in relationships, or unresolved conflict. When intimacy fades, it is not always a sign of the relationship failing, but it is a signal that care and attention are needed.

What is the biggest cause of disconnection in relationships?

Though every relationship has its own unique challenges, one of the most common causes of disconnection is unspoken emotional needs. When we don’t feel safe to express our needs, or when we fear our needs won’t be met, we may begin to withdraw. Over time, this can create emotional distance.

Attachment issues in relationships can also play a significant role. For example, someone with an anxious attachment style may crave closeness but fear rejection, while someone with an avoidant style may pull away to protect themselves. These patterns often develop in early relationships and can quietly shape how we behave in adult partnerships.

Understanding your own attachment style and that of your partner can help you both better understand patterns that may otherwise feel confusing or hurtful. 

Through person-centred therapy, these patterns can be gently explored and gradually shifted, paving the way for deeper understanding and connection.

What is intimacy avoidance?

Intimacy avoidance occurs when one or both partners struggle to engage in emotional or physical closeness. This can have a variety of causes, such as unresolved trauma, low self-esteem, trust issues or past relationship wounds. 

Overcoming a fear of intimacy in relationships isn’t about forcing closeness, but about creating emotional safety and building trust.

Another factor that can cause intimacy avoidance is control in relationships. If someone feels vulnerable in intimate moments, they may try to regain a sense of control by keeping their partner at a distance, setting rigid boundaries, or emotionally withdrawing. While these behaviours may be protective, they can cause hurt and confusion for the other partner.

I work with clients to gently understand the roots of intimacy avoidance. Whether through individual therapy or couples therapy, the goal is to build the emotional security necessary to be more open and present with one another.

What to do when your partner doesn't want to be intimate?

It can be incredibly painful when one partner craves closeness and the other appears to resist it, but it’s important not to take this personally or try to force closeness. Often, avoidance of intimacy is less about disinterest in the partner and more about discomfort with vulnerability.

Initiating a compassionate conversation is often the first step. Instead of focusing solely on the behaviour (“you never want to be close to me”), try to explore the feelings behind it (“I’ve been feeling distant lately, and I miss our connection”). If this feels too difficult to do alone, going to therapy together can provide a safe and supported space for these conversations to unfold.

A therapist to help with relationships can facilitate communication that is both empathetic and constructive, helping each person feel heard. Couples therapy also helps in identifying unspoken fears or unmet needs that may be affecting intimacy.

How to fix a disconnection in a relationship?

Repairing disconnection starts with you and your partner both showing a willingness to understand and engage with one another again. This could involve introducing small gestures of affection or attention into the everyday, as well as having deeper conversations about unmet needs and emotional wounds. 

Trust issues in relationships can often lie at the heart of ongoing disconnection. Whether through infidelity, dishonesty or prolonged neglect, broken trust takes time, effort and patience to rebuild. In situations like these, couples therapy can offer both partners the space to process and heal.

Sometimes, disconnection is less about a specific event and more about a gradual drift. When this is the case, reconnecting can involve rediscovering shared interests, improving communication habits, or simply learning how to be emotionally available to one another again.

A way forward through therapy

Whether you're experiencing control in relationships, struggling with intimacy avoidance, or dealing with attachment issues in relationships, there is always a way to move forward. Therapy creates space to explore these challenges without blame or shame, and my clients are supported in understanding their emotions, communicating more openly, and healing past wounds.

For couples, therapy can be a transformative experience, not only for resolving conflict but for deepening connection and rediscovering what sparked your relationship in the first place. I offer couples therapy and individual support from my practice near Warrington, as well as online sessions for those who are further afield.

If you’re looking for a Cheshire therapist who understands the complexities of intimacy, connection, and emotional well-being, I’m here to help. Whether you're navigating a difficult chapter in your relationship or simply want to feel closer to your partner, couples therapy can offer meaningful support.