With dating apps now one of the most common ways to meet people, swiping left or right has become second nature for many people seeking a romantic connection. 

Though dating apps provide a great (and convenient) way to meet others, they can also create habits that, for some, feel compulsive, addictive or emotionally draining. If you’re finding yourself reaching for your phone more often than you’d like, swiping even when you aren’t interested, or feeling anxious or frustrated when you’re not getting matches, you may find yourself wondering: can using online dating apps be addictive?

Are online dating apps addictive?

The short answer is yes, for some people, they can be. Though not classified as a clinical addiction in the way substance misuse is, many individuals experience patterns of compulsive use that closely mirror behavioural addictions. 

This may look like compulsively checking the apps, feeling a surge of dopamine when getting a match, or being unable to stop swiping even when you are no longer enjoying it. 

I often see men and women addicted to dating apps struggling with shame, self-worth, and confusion about why they feel out of control.

As a Cheshire therapist, my compassionate, person-centred approach is here to help my clients explore the emotional drivers behind their behaviours. What may, at surface level, appear to be an addiction, is often deeply rooted in unmet emotional needs, loneliness, or past experiences of rejection. In therapy or via Zoom, we work together to understand the deeper motivations, helping clients take back control of their choices and regain a sense of autonomy.

Is it unhealthy to be on dating apps?

It isn’t unhealthy to use dating apps. For many individuals, they provide a convenient way to connect with others, and can lead to genuine, long-lasting relationships. But, like any tool, it’s how we use them that makes the difference. 

If you’re swiping to seek validation, keep feelings of loneliness at bay or distract yourself from painful emotions, then their use can become unhealthy. 

Repeatedly experiencing ghosting, rejection, or objectification can further reinforce negative self-beliefs. 

Some of the signs of an online dating addiction can include neglecting responsibilities to spend time on the apps, struggling to put your phone down despite wanting to, or feeling anxious, depressed or irritable when you aren’t using them, or when someone distracts you whilst using them. If any of these sound familiar to you, going to therapy can be a helpful and affirming step. 

My person-centred practice focuses on creating a non-judgemental space for reflection and growth, where you are supported to explore not only your dating habits, but the underlying feelings and needs they may be expressing.

Do dating apps affect mental health?

If you’re wondering if dating apps can impact your mental health, the answer is yes - and in complex ways, too. 

Some individuals lean on dating apps to get a boost of self-esteem when matches come through, or conversations and compliments flow. But for many others, the experience can trigger anxiety, insecurity, and even depression. Dating apps, by nature, encourage quick judgments based on appearance - actively encouraging you and fellow swipers to “judge books by their covers”, which can feel dehumanising. If you find yourself obsessing over your profile, comparing yourself to others, or feeling downtrodden by silence or rejection, using dating apps may be negatively impacting your wellbeing more than you realise.

Men addicted to dating apps sometimes experience a quiet erosion of confidence. They may feel the need to keep swiping in search of the perfect partner, but each unreturned message chips away at their self-worth. 

I work with my clients to rebuild self-esteem and reconnect with a more grounded sense of identity - one that isn’t dependent on external validation, notifications or matches. 

Why is online dating so tiring?

Many people describe a sense of burnout when using dating apps over a long period. The constant performance of trying to be appealing, interesting and funny, combined with the small talk that seemingly goes nowhere, and the unpredictability of matches can leave people feeling emotionally exhausted. This is especially true when deeper emotional needs for connection, intimacy or companionship are repeatedly going unmet. 

We explore these feelings with curiosity, acceptance and kindness. It’s not uncommon for individuals to begin therapy feeling frustrated with themselves for "not doing dating right," when in fact, the issue lies not with their efforts but with the fast-paced nature and emotional strain that comes with dating apps.

Are dating apps emotionally draining?

They absolutely can be. When your emotional energy is being spent on efforts that aren’t reciprocated, conversations are fizzling out, and you’re finding yourself being ghosted regularly, this can take its toll. Negative experiences like these may lead you to question your worth, second-guess your value, or feel as if you’re never being chosen. 

My therapy sessions in Cheshire or online provide a restorative space to reconnect with your emotional needs. By working together to understand the toll that dating apps are taking, we can begin to put healthy boundaries in place to help you regain a more positive connection with dating. This might look like creating tech-free time, opting for trying in-person relationships, or exploring ways to meet people that align more with your values.

Why do dating apps make me feel insecure?

If you’re feeling insecure, it’s important to know that you are not alone in feeling like this. The world full of social media, influencers and dating apps that we are currently living in can set unrealistic expectations about beauty, success and compatibility. We are constantly being asked to present a version of ourselves that we think others will approve of, which makes it easy to begin equating the number of matches or messages with our worth, but that’s a trap. 

I often remind my clients that their value is not determined by an algorithm. 

Self-esteem can take a hit when we feel as though we're not "winning" at dating, especially when our self-image is tied up in romantic success. Through person-centred therapy, we explore what makes you feel whole and worthy, independent of external validation.

Self-care is an essential part of this work. Taking the time away from dating apps to nurture friendships, in-person connections, hobbies, and your emotional well-being can be incredibly healing. 

Rather than measuring your desirability through a screen, reconnecting with your own values, strengths, and joys can remind you of who you truly are.

What role does therapy play in addressing dating app issues?

Whether you're dealing with online dating addiction signs, low self-esteem, or difficulties in relationships, going to therapy can be a powerful turning point. My person-centred approach isn't about giving advice or telling you what to do – it's about helping you explore your experiences with empathy and honesty, so you can make decisions that truly align with your needs.

I’ve worked with clients across a wide range of issues related to dating, intimacy and emotional well-being. For individuals, this might involve exploring self-esteem issues or attachment issues. For couples, it can be an opportunity to improve communication, trust and rediscover connection after challenges linked to dating apps or dating app addiction.

In some cases, EMDR therapy may be helpful, too, especially if past relationship trauma or rejection continues to affect your current dating experiences. EMDR can help you process difficult memories and reduce the emotional intensity they hold.

Reclaiming control and rediscovering connection

Found yourself stuck in a cycle of swiping, scrolling and self-doubting? Please know that change is possible. Dating apps are designed to be engaging, but that doesn’t mean you need to let them hold the reins of your emotional life. If you’d like to take a break from them, build your self-worth, or better understand your relationship patterns, support is available. 

If you're based locally and looking for a Cheshire therapist, or if you prefer the flexibility of Zoom, I offer a safe space to explore these themes with you. We can work together to help you feel more grounded, more in control, and more connected to yourself and others.

Whatever stage of the dating journey you're on, your emotional well-being matters. You deserve to feel empowered, understood, and supported. Take the first step today to develop a healthier relationship with modern dating.