Do you feel as though you’re struggling to connect? Maybe you think you’re not a people person, but do you find yourself wondering if the issue comes from deeper within? Perhaps, you actually crave intimacy. However, you’re afraid of what opening yourself up to a trusting relationship may bring. But, it may be surprising to know you’re not alone. Intimacy anxiety disorder affects around 2.5% of the population, equally affecting both men and women.A childhood event usually triggers cases of intimacy anxiety disorder. However, there are some instances where a problematic childhood is not the cause. This blog will explore the common symptoms of intimacy anxiety disorder, the different causes of this condition, and how individuals can manage this problem and start connecting with those around them.

First, what is intimacy?

For many of us, intimacy brings to mind a close relationship with someone we love. However, there are other forms of intimacy anxiety to explore as well, such as:

• Intellectual Intimacy: afraid to open up their mind and opinions.
• Emotional Intimacy: unable to share their innermost thoughts.
• Sexual Intimacy: unable to open up sexually and connect intimately.
• Experiential Intimacy: unable to share experiences and get involved actively with others.

What is and is not considered intimate can vary from person to person, and you may struggle with an intimacy problem not listed here, but that’s ok! Instead, I want to help you recognise your anxiety and be able to manage it, all in an effort to overcome it eventually.

What can cause Intimacy Anxiety Disorder?

Intimacy anxiety disorder can be identified through these five signs/traumas:

• Fear of abandonment: this feeling often stems from childhood when a parent/guardian has not performed their duty of caring and supporting someone as an infant.
• Fear of engulfment: this feeling comes from a sense of loss of control. You may be anxious about losing yourself or being dominated by a partner.
• Fear of rejection: if you’re scared of rejection, you may feel that you will never make the first move to connect to someone.
• Social anxiety disorder: a prevalent mental health diagnosis that can cause one to withdraw from any social interactions.
• Childhood sexual abuse: sexual abuse as a child can cause a fear of a sexual relationship as an adult or even a platonic relationship.

What are the signs someone is afraid of intimacy?

A fear of intimacy can present itself in many ways, whether these fears are of romantic, platonic or familial intimacies. However, common signs can be identified as:

• Serial Dating - perhaps you can connect with others; however, you struggle to form deep, meaningful relationships. People in this situation tend to date a lot of people, moving on when things begin to get serious.
• Perfectionism - someone afraid of intimacy often does not find themselves worthy of love; thus, they seek perfection as a means of trying to make themselves worthy.
• Difficulty Expressing Oneself - again, if they feel undeserving of the support of someone, then they will struggle to express themselves to get what they want.
• Sabotaging Relationships - self-sabotaging relationships again can stem from the idea of chasing perfection and not feeling worthy of love and intimacy. It also represents an unwillingness to commit to a relationship, doing everything they can to make it fail.
• Struggling with Physical Intimacy - this struggle can be regarding the act of giving or receiving physical intimacy or a battle with their dependence on physical intimacy.

How can you cope with a fear of intimacy?

If you are looking for new ways to manage your fear, these six methods can help:

• Express self-compassion
• Look at your past
• Listen to your thoughts and feelings
• Give yourself time
• Accept feelings of uncertainty
• Consult a therapist

Following the above steps is an amazing start to overcoming your issues with intimacy and improving your connections with others. You may think that you are not worthy of seeking the guidance of a professional therapist; however, consulting with a therapist is one of the best ways to understand the deep-rooted cause of your intimacy. Not only that, but building a relationship with your therapist in a trusting, safe environment is the perfect opportunity to practice opening up to someone emotionally and connecting on a deeper level. With this practice in a secure, guided session, you will be able to apply what you have learned to form meaningful relationships and finally feel a sense of intimacy.If you are interested in overcoming your fear of intimacy, please head over to my website today at Liddy Carver. I’m available for phone, zoom and in-person sessions; let me know what would best suit your needs.