When your relationship is on the rocks it can be hard to see a positive solution. It can affect your whole life and before you know it you can find yourself struggling to do the things you need to do – like go to work, get out of bed and even shower. Regardless of what started your relationship issues, you need to set a course for resolution or else you can end up falling into a depression.
As a Warrington-based Counsellor, I have helped a variety of couples with an assortment of different relationship issues – from infidelity and trust issues to a lack of communication due to bereavement or stress. Here are the reasons why in my experience couples therapy can help create a clear path to future happiness.
Time to concentrate just on each other
It’s not always easy to find time for your partner. You may not want to put your feelings on the table and spend a few hours going over the same argument, but it’s easy to put things off and when you do they usually grow in size. For example, you might not want to clean the kitchen after cooking so you wait until the next day, and then you put it off again and before you know it you are surrounded by dirty plates and end up spending hours clearing them up. Keeping your relationship healthy is, in a way, similar. It requires regular effort to keep it working and when you go to couples therapy it’s like you are cleaning away the dishes. Stick to your appointments and show your partner you care enough to dedicate time to resolve your issues.
A chance to evaluate each others behaviour – and your own
A lot of people automatically place the blame on their partner when a relationship is on the rocks, without even looking at their own behaviour. It’s easy to place the blame on your partner without considering how you have affected the relationship too. During couples therapy, both sides of the relationship get to express how they’ve been treated and how that behaviour made them feel. This can often leave some real food-for-thought in both parties as you can behave a certain way without even realising it, and the little things you’ve said in arguments may have meant a lot more than you realised.
A place to share without judgement – or repercussions
Bringing a stranger into your relationship problems can seem daunting and you may think it would be better to ask a friend or family member to help you meditate. This isn’t always a great idea as there is going to be some bias and couples therapy works as there are no sides – just a non-judgemental party to help smooth things along. Opting for couples therapy can also remove issues further down the line. If your discussions turn personal and mention other family members or issues that may offend others, it is impossible to take back things that have been said – for example, if you and your wife are arguing as she wants her mother to move in it’s not a good idea to have a family member present as it could get back to her and cause offence.
Couples therapy is there to provide an environment where issues are resolved not created.
A space to be honest about the future
When you are having relationship troubles it can be hard to admit where, when and why your problems started – sometimes you don’t even know how you grew to be distant. Finding the words can be harder than you think, and telling the truth to person you love, or used to love, can be painful. There may never seem like the right time but with couples therapy you are able to speak what is on your mind with an impartial third party present, helping to keep the situation calm and constructive. You are able to work with your partner to decide a course of action that will give you both a happier future – whether that’s together or separated.
If you are struggling to talk to your partner and have issues in the relationship but want to talk them through, or need someone to talk to alone, I’m available to help. I’m based near Warrington and everything discussed with me is completely confidential.