How to Cope With a Heartbreak
Relationships are not always easy and sometimes they can fall apart and leave you feeling hurt. Even though 70% of straight unmarried couples break up within the first year of dating, when you go through a break up it can feel as though you are completely alone. Whether you were in a short or long term relationship or even married, a separation can leave you heartbroken and shocked. It can become hard to cope with your feelings and move forward with your life. As every relationship is different, you may feel that your family and friends can’t help you and you feel yourself spiraling into a pit of depression and self-hate. But it doesn’t have to be like that. You can overcome your heartbreak if you follow the right steps and make sure to always put yourself first.
The following is some of the heartbreak advice that I share during my therapy sessions. It can help you to overcome the initial pain you feel after the breakdown and end of your relationship.
Grieve the Relationship
One of the most common things that you will hear is that you need to mourn for your relationship. This is because it is the first step of getting over a heartbreak. You may know inside that your relationship wasn’t working, or that it wasn’t healthy, but you kept on hoping that there would be a positive outcome. It’s very common for people to miss what could have been rather than what they actually had. You need to remember that the future you had hoped for just wasn’t meant to be, but this doesn’t mean you won’t have your happy ending in the future. Allow yourself the time to appropriately express your emotions over the ending of the relationship. Whether it is locking yourself away for the first week with tissues and ice cream or speaking to your friends to let out all of your feelings. Letting your emotions free before you start the next steps is important to successfully moving on with your life.
Often, people may feel weak for crying over the relationship breakdown. Or, they may feel like they are giving the partner who left them exactly what they wanted. They might focus on trying to appear strong or even seek revenge on their ex-partner. But this can have a very negative effect on their mental health. You can’t bottle your feelings or dwell on them. Try not to think about your ex. It doesn’t matter where they are or how they feel. Instead, focus on yourself. Your own mental healing is all that matters in this journey and you shouldn’t let these thoughts prevent you from grieving.
Spend Time with Others
Once you are past the grieving stage, try to surround yourself with loved ones. Visit your family more often or spend some time with your friends. Now that your relationship is over you have more time to focus on those around you who would love to see you more. Being around people who love and appreciate you can help to boost your mood and it is also a good distraction from any lingering feelings of sadness, loneliness or regret.
Your friends and family will understand that you need a distraction and some comfort and likely welcome the opportunity to spend more time with you. They will also understand what not to say or do to remind you of the relationship. As people who care for you, they will help to create an environment for you that is fun and safe. This can help you heal quicker, and create new memories to replace any harmful ones.
Create New Routines
There’s only so much time you can spend with friends and family. Therefore, my next heartbreak advice is to try to create some new routines. When you find yourself home alone, having a routine for your day can help to keep your mind off any negative or depressing thoughts. As your separation may have upset your old routine, it can also help you to feel a sense of normality again.
A new routine can also help you to focus on your health and career more. This not only provides a distraction but also means that you can feel healthier and excel at work. This can boost your mood and by having something positive, like losing weight or being praised, can help you to think more positively about the break-up and let go of any negative feelings.
Try to pick up a new hobby, or an old one that you had given up, to help keep you busy and focused. Spend your evenings reading or writing, or go to a sports club once a week. This can promote a healthier mindset as you find yourself excited to complete these activities. Before you know it, you can start enjoying your own company again whilst finding new things that you love to do.
Whilst keeping a routine is key to overcoming heartbreak, occasionally you should also let yourself be spontaneous. A last minute night out with friends or a trip to a local museum can help to keep your mood boosted. It can keep you on your toes and means that you are spending time with other people rather than being alone. Buy the expensive shoes you’ve wanted for months or treat yourself to a fancy meal out. Now that your relationship has come to an end, you should have the extra funds to treat yourself when you feel like it. Whilst people say ‘money can’t buy happiness’, treating yourself to things that bring you joy sometimes can.
Don’t let bouts of sadness, or even bad memories of places, prevent you from doing things. The best way to overcome this is to think that you will be replacing any memories that you have with new more pleasant ones. Often a moment of spontaneous fun can raise your mood for days after as you reflect on the memories.
Speak to a Therapist
Often, relationships can be hard to get over, especially if they were long-term or extremely intense and passionate. Trying to overcome them on your own may cause you more pain or fail entirely. Speaking to friends and family might not be an option for you as well. They may not understand why your relationship has ended and therefore the specific pain you are going through. They might not even provide heartbreak advice entirely, instead choosing to question why the relationship is over, even ‘choosing sides’ with your ex-partner.
But, speaking to a therapist can help you to understand why you are feeling heartbroken and help to start your journey of recovery. They provide an outsider’s opinion and are there to listen to everything you have to say without judgment. As experts in pain and healing, they can help you to create a unique plan to help you to move forward. Moreover, they will be with you for the whole journey as you recover. They have spoken to many people in your position before and understand what steps are necessary, and also the time it will take, for you to overcome your pain.
Following the above heartbreak advice will help you to begin the journey of grief and recovery and start on a road to a happier future. Understanding that heartbreak is normal after a breakup will make this process easier to go through. But, if you still find yourself needing help healing, then contact me today to hear about the therapy I offer.