Finding out that your partner has been unfaithful is always a horrible and world-shifting experience. When the trust has been broken in your relationship, it can be hard to see any way forward. You may be questioning your partner’s feelings and trying to decide if the trust and loyalty could be rebuilt.
Talking about how you feel can be painful, but it is also the most effective way to help understand why your partner has strayed and how you can both work to prevent this from happening again. There are many deeper reasons behind infidelity and identifying and understanding these could be the key to working through the heartbreak and seeing a future together again.
Read on if you want to discover ways to rebuild your relationship after an affair and how you can overcome the feelings of betrayal and focus on creating a better future.
Talk About Your Emotions
One reason your partner may have strayed in your relationship is that they don’t feel they can be open about their thoughts and feelings – or that you are keeping yours to yourself. You don’t only need a sexual connection in your partnership but also an emotional one too. And, if your partner feels that he/she is lacking this, they may stray to find the connection elsewhere.
To overcome this issue, you may need to become more emotionally intimate with each other. This comes from improved communication and working to understand one another’s feelings. Ask them about what they want in life, what hopes and dreams they have, and any actions that you may be doing that hurts them. Once you have a deeper understanding of each other, it can help you to decide if the relationship is worth saving and if it could survive long term. It also makes it much easier to overcome past infidelity as you can invest yourselves more emotionally into the relationship, as you have put all your cards on the table and let yourself be vulnerable.
Spend More Time Together
Maybe you’re working super hard lately? Or devoting most of your time to your friends? Either way, your partner may feel that you have been distancing yourself from them. This can make them feel unwanted or unloved, leading them to seek out companionship elsewhere. When someone feels isolated and alone, they often look for someone to comfort them, and when they do, they may find the affection that they feel they are missing from you.
But how can you prevent this? Well, you need to understand why you are drifting away from your partner. If you are spending more time with your friends than them, is it because you prefer their company? Or is it just because both you and your partner have conflicting schedules? These are the questions that you need to ask yourself before you try to repair the relationship. Make sure that you are actually compatible and that you are in love with your partner as sometimes people stay together just because they are afraid of the unknown.
Once you understand why you have grown distant, you can work on spending more time together and rebuilding the trust. If you genuinely care about reconciling with your partner, try to make some regular time to spend together alone. Couples that spend more time together and have shared interests recover from infidelity much quicker. So, find things that you both enjoy or even recreate your dates from the start of the relationship to remind you both of the love you have for one another.
When your partner has been unfaithful, it is in no way your fault. However, you both need to acknowledge your contributions to the issues that caused the affair. If you both accept responsibility, then you can work on fixing the rift in your relationship and becoming more open with your partner.
Miscommunication is a common cause of infidelity. Sometimes people are unfaithful because they believe their partner had already been lying or cheating on them. If you have been lying to your partner about where you are going or who you are seeing, they might believe that you are seeing someone else. This could then lead them to stray in retaliation or to find honesty and love elsewhere.
If you have been lying to them about anything, you may want to confess. It’s time for a clean slate and being honest with each other is important if you want to move forward into a healthy relationship. Explain the situation and why you felt you needed to be deceitful and listen to their feelings. This can help to strengthen your bond as neither of you is hiding things from the other. It’s important to remember that if you expect honesty, you need to be honest.
If your partner says that they want to work on your relationship, they need to show this by stopping all contact with the other person and actively working to repair the trust. And if you truly want to move forward, you will need to forgive and be willing to move on and leave any resentment behind.
Seek Professional Help
If you want to forgive your partner but are really struggling, then it is best to seek a counsellor who specialises in couples’ therapy. In therapy, you can talk openly with your partner in a safe environment where you can both share your feelings without judgement. Often couples who are experiencing difficulties struggle to communicate without it progressing into an argument, but at couples counselling, you can both express your feelings and work with the therapist to effectively communicate them without it ending in a shouting match. This should help you both to understand the underlying needs of one another and how you can both recover from the betrayal.
Many counsellors will have worked with couples in situations like yours before, so they can provide excellent advice that has worked previously. This can make repairing your relationship more natural and successful, leading to forgiveness and willingness on both sides to work on building back up their love and trust.
Just because your partner has cheated doesn’t mean that it has to be the end of the relationship. Together, you both can understand why the affair happened and each person’s role in the situation. Once you have acknowledged each other’s feelings, working together to repair the broken relationship won’t be easy, but it is achievable. If you think couples counselling could help your situation, then contact me today for information