Life After Infidelity
Even though there is no excuse for being unfaithful, there are many reasons why someone may cheat on their partner; it’s commonly due to an individual feeling lonely, unloved or unattractive. Many people want to repair the relationship with their loved one after realising that they had made a terrible mistake, but they struggle to find a way to earn back their trust and forgiveness. Even if you really regret your actions and you don’t want to let your current relationship crumble, how can you show your partner that you are genuinely sorry?
Read on for my top tips on how to live happily with your partner after infidelity and move on from the mistrust and upset. As an experienced counsellor, I have worked with many couples who needed help repairing their relationship, so I am aware of the most effective ways to move forward and get your life back on track after infidelity.
Tell the Truth about the Affair
The first thing that the guilty member of the relationship needs to do is be honest about the affair. This is so they can get everything out into the open and end the secrets. Lying about the event(s) or facts will only lead to more heartbreak and mistrust further down the line, so it is in your best interest to be upfront and honest about the extent of the affair and not to withhold any information. Your partner, although not straight away, will appreciate this along the line because you have chosen to own up to your mistakes and confess everything.
Couples who were unable to mend their relationship after infidelity often said it wasn’t due to the act of betrayal itself, but rather the slow reveal or concealment of the information. If you actively withhold details, not only may your partner not believe the extent of your actions, but it’ll only slow and worsen the process of hurting them.
Therefore, the best approach is to be open and honest about every little detail, or if you are the one facing a cheating partner, demand to know anything you want or need to know because you’re entitled to the truth and can’t fully move on without it.
Be Open and Honest to Questions
If you are hoping to repair your bond with your partner after an affair, you need to be willing to explain the whole situation and answer any questions they have if you want any chance of your partner ever trusting you again. Infidelity doesn’t have to be the end of your partnership and being honest about your reasons for cheating and taking responsibility for the pain you have caused is an important step towards recovery. Proving that you want to overcome the turmoil in your relationship and giving your partner the chance to express how they feel will help them to deal with the betrayal and start healing.
Even though you might find it hard to come clean about every little detail, whether they are asking to see texts or asking what the experience was like for you, it can be the information your spouse needs to know in order to move on. If you are sincere, supportive and apologetic during this time, your partner may be able to see that you are doing whatever is needed to get back on track. Likewise, if you are a partner recovering from your other half’s infidelity, don’t feel the need to hold back from asking questions that’ll give you closure. It may be painful to hear but once you have the answers you need, you will be able to put it behind you and move forward with your life.
Make Your Relationship Your Number One Priority
When somebody is having an affair they usually put up barriers and neglect to spend time with their partner (and family in some cases). So now that it is over, you need to go out of your way to prove to your partner that you want to be the dedicated partner you once were. You can prove this by attending couples therapy, spending more time together or even making decisions based on what your partner wants. You need to use your time wisely. Reducing the amount of time you spend with your friends or in work and allocating that time to rebuilding the trust with your partner can help. Try to remind them of the good times you have had together and prioritise working out the insecurities that caused you to seek comfort outside of your relationship – unless these issues are resolved you can end up back in a situation where you feel unhappy.
Seek Couples Therapy
If seeking couples therapy is the route you want to take in reconnecting and working through this tough time with your partner, then a therapist may be the answer. A therapist is an outside observer who can create a safe and open environment for you and your partner to talk honestly, without it descending into arguments and chaos. Your spouse may want to have very in-depth conversations with you, which could be more comfortable with a mediator present that can help you to get to the reasons behind the affair. For therapy to work, you have to be willing to go over details of the affair again, no matter how difficult, as these details are crucial for repairing your relationship.
As a therapist, I aim to make sure that both parties are heard and making progress towards the best possible outcome – whether that is a repaired relationship or an amicable separation. The culprit shouldn’t feel like they will be opening themselves up to be attacked by two people. Going to therapy proves that you regret your actions and are there to improve your relationship so make sure you go in with a positive mindset, and it’ll only benefit the both of you.
Whatever the reason(s) behind your affair, not everybody wants to let their marriage go if it was impulsive or a regret. Couples often want to fight to stay together, but they often need help in understanding their thoughts and feelings. Therapy can help you understand and come to terms with infidelity so that you are able to move on.
If you are ready to move on, too, contact me today for more information on how I can help you.